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Child - Allow the Child his Moments of Privacy

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The son got married. The lingering display of the henna-dyed decorative patterns on the hands of his wife continued to proclaim her as the new bride in the family. The couple were relishing the moments of the conjugal ecstasy (excessive matrimonial joy). otherwise known as the period of "honeymoon". They were the moments to be cherished in the memory and reminisced on the occasion of each anniversary with gratitude to Allah.

However. the honeymoon at home was not perfect in its setting nor the period there- after. The couple would want to steal a few short moments of being together holding hands as and when at leisure and alone in the privacy of their room during the day time which is normal for a newly-wed couple. They couldn't.

The mother continued with the old habit. since the childhood of the son. of appearing suddenly in his room. To her nothing changed nor did she want anything changed. The son and the room both remained the same -within her domain -and her right to it remained the same.

Locking the door meant banning her right. She would be the prosecutor. the jury and the judge in a verdict against the bride as the scapegoat. There was yet another ramification. For the parents to barge in was to cause the son to reveal to his wife his annoyance to this habit of the parents. and consequently he was offering a license to the wife to begin to develop a dislike for them.

It will be no surprise if the son as a child had and still has the habit of curling himself in the bed while in the state of sleep. This of course may not be as much in that fetal (unborn baby in the womb) posture as he was used to when he was a child.

Curling Posture

Curling himself in the state of sleep comes about instinctively to a child, especially the one with a slim physique, when the bedroom is normally cold or the child has a habitual sub-conscious fear of insecurity. That posture like that of a coiled reptile exposes the least possible body-front to a threat to the body.

There is yet one more reason. The instinctive curled posture offers the satisfaction of some semblance of privacy as the child begins to become conscious of the need for it. This is normal where a child goes to sleep early under the glare of light while others around him in the room are still wakeful robbing him of the privacy for his sleep.

In fact, the curling posture is part of the manifestation of the human Instinct for self- preservation. The exposure to cold and the fear of insecurity of the body while in the state of sleep with the lack of privacy -all seem to trigger this instinctive posture. The message is simple to the parents. Allow the growing child "his" moments of privacy "also". Teach him to want his liberty to keep the door of his room partly closed (ajar) whenever he feels like doing so; and further teach him to expect his parents to call first or knock before entering the room.

Personality

Teaching the child the enjoyment of his certain convenient moments of privacy in his room is .one of those factors which determine the extent to which the child develops his independent personality. The child needs even more consideration from the parents, especially from the father, when the child is girl.

Where there is more than one child, the need for their moments of common privacy will still be the same and should be respected by their parents all the same.

Besides, teaching the child his own needs of the moments of privacy will teach him also to respect the parents' moments of privacy which the holy Qur'an too mentions in the verses 24 : 58, 59. Such training serves as a mould for the rules of polished decorum within the family and ensures respect and decency among the members.

Let us remember that the first human experience even before a person is born is that he is "conscious", ("aware", "exists"), and the first thing which he is conscious of is the privacy and comfort of the womb. The human will always prefer his moments of privacy and comfort. Personal privacy is now considered a human right and there already exists laws against its intrusion in many countries. Childhood is no excuse for deprivation of privacy. The excuse is childish!