FIFTH DIFFICULTY:
MILITARY SERVICE
This difficulty and constraint does not include girls. And it does not include many of boys as well. For those who continue their studies following the intermediate level, it is not essential for them to proceed to it. Instead, they can perform it after completing their education and joining the service. So no gap is created in their lives. Furthermore, if someone studies certain specified subjects, for instance, the students of teacher
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training centers,1 and he does not even intend to continue his education after the intermediate level, then there is no conventional soldiering for him.
After these cases, we are left with those young men who must go for the usual and routin two years performing this scared duty. What is the solution to their marriage problem?
SOLUTIONS:
LONG TERM SOLUTION
Government officials must arrange and organize the law of military service in a manner that it does not hinder and bring difficulty for those who wish to marry, A certaining salary should also be provisioned that which would suffice their expenditure along with that of their wives.
SHORT TERM SOLUTION
1- RELIGIOUS AND LEGAL ENGAGEMENT
Engagement during military service is very sweet and beautiful. The engaged couple can correspond throughout and write hope-giving and inspiring things to each other. During the level periods, they see and visit each other.
The facts described about 'engagement during education' apply to this period as well.
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1- The students are trained for teaching in primary school and cam a salary to suffice a simple life.
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2- STAYING IN THE HOUSE OF ONE'S IN-LAWS
It they have already married, the wife can, during the military service of her husband, stay at the residence of the parents of the boy, so that she does not remain alone and the boy can perform his duty wholeheartedly and peacefully, Whenever he comes back home on lave, they can be with each other.
3- PARENTS' HELP
As to the expenditure of the woman and other matters, the same facts stand valid here which have been described in the chapter pertaining to "continuing education" solution no3 (parents' help).
SIXTH DIFFICULTY:
PRESENCE OF OLDER BROTHERS AND SISTERS
Sometime ago, I was with some nice brothers, the students of "Lamerd." All of them were bachelors.
According to my routine of encouraging the youth to marry, I recommended them to marry. Mr. Badiyee, who happens to be a good, efficient student of "Lamerd", said, "The greatest hindrance an difficulty to my marriage is the presence of (unmarried) elder brothers, because it is customary in our region for younger brothers and sisters not to marry before elder ones!"
I said to him, "I will discuss this difficulty and constraint, as your memorial, in my classes and the book, which I'm writing on this topic."
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SOLUTION TO THIS PROBLEM
This difficulty and belief does not have any religious or intellectual basis and foundation. If an elder brother or sister has not yet married, for any reason, it does not become necessary and essential for the younger one, who is mature enough for marriage, to delay and postpone their marriage.
Definitely, no heed should be paid to this difficulty. it is necessary for the youth to break such wrong traditions and not suffer misery and misfortune for the sake of wrong customs and traditions.
SEVENTH DIFFICULTY:
DWELLING
Although the problem of residence refers back to financial difficulties, because of its speciality and peculiarity, we will discuss it separately.
SOLUTION
Again, a long term and a short term one.
LONG TERM:
It is necessary that extensive schemes and plans, which overwhelm and cover the whole of society, be made so that this major crisis and problem is solved. We are not at the moment going to discuss it.
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SHORT TERM SOLUTION:
1- TEMPORARILY STAYING AT THE PARENTS' HOME
If it is possible and feasible, the bride and bridegroom may stay for a period in the house of one of their parents, until they can provide a house for themselves. But they must be attentive and conscious that if this becomes the reason of conflict, insults,and belittlement and disrespect, then it is not, in any way advisale to stay or remain in that house.
2- RENTING A HOUSE
Renting house is routine and customary all over the world. In many societies and foreign countries, tenancy is practiced more than in our country.
The youth may rent out a cheap house and bear the difficulties of tenancy until they, inshallah, own a house.
ATTENTION:
All the facts discussed in difficulty no.1 (financial problems) and the solutions described are true and stand valid here too, particularly in relation to "divine help".
EIGHT DIFFICULTY:
INABILITY OF THE YOUTH TO MANAGE AND RUN THEIR LIFE
Consideration of this difficulty and its solution have discussed in the second chapter under the heading "Discussion with a friend". Please refer to it.
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NINTH DIFFICULTY:
NATURAL DIFFICULTIES
Following the consideration and solution to all the problems and constraints that have been described, again some difficulties remain. How do we tackle these?
ANSWER
It is absurd and impossible that no form of difficulty exists in this world and in family life and in all the rest of matters pertaining to society. some difficulties are the result of a probing and searching life moving on the way to completion.
THE PHILOSOPHY OF THESE DIFFICULTIES AND HARDSHIPS
Natural difficulties, hardships, and odds of life are similar to dynamite, deriving and expelling the hidden and concealed ores out of the mines of human life.
There are potential talents, capabilities, sources and energies in man's interior, which do not show up and emerge until man is confronted with hardship and difficulties. Man utilizes and organise all his intellectual, meditational and physical powers and energies while facing these odds and finds the solution to his problems and opens the ways and passages. His total existence probes into immense search, struggle,strife and mortification to reach a goal. As a result, the potential and sleeping capabilities are awakened and the essence and merits of his life glaze and become shiny.
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If we observe human societies minutely and deeply, we will discover that those whose affairs are going smoothly and lead comfortable lives and do not find it necessary to bother and put themselves to inconvenience, usually become slow moving, lazy. inefficient an irresolute. Very rarely can such persons become the source of any change, revolution or completion in a society.
The prophets, reformers, scholars and all those who have had effect upon society's advancement, progress, and elevation and had a part to play in accelerating the speed of the human caravan's journey, had been men who combated and strove against hardships.
It is an inevitable and unfailing law that one must strive and struggle against hardships and odds, by putting one's life at stake to achieve big objectives. The bigger the objectives, the more the hardship to reach it.
The Commander of the believers, Hazrat Ali (a.s) said:
أفضل الاعمال أحمزها.
"The best practices are the most difficult ones."
If man accepts the fact that life is accompanied by difficulties and hardships, and then he prepares himself to face those and does not become hopeless, dismayed, and upset. In marriage and raising a family, which is one of the great aims and objectives and has an important role to play in the achievement of the prosperity of the world and the Hereafter, one must necessarily bear difficulties and hardships.
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We accept that marriage raising a family brings some responsibilities for man and has its troubles, yet its benefits, progress, advancements, and completion, which come together with it, must also be taken into view.
On the other hand, we may compare th difficulties and responsibilities of marriage with the losses demerits and consequences of living as a bachelor: whether one should remain single and tolerate and bear all those hardships, spiritual and physical agonies and strains or, should we marry and accept its natural responsibilities and consequently, enjoy all its spiritual, physical and personality benefits?
Admittedly, any sound mind, which is free from bias, prejudices, superstitions and stubbornness, prefers marriage, Besides having the fruits and benefits that have been described in connection with accepting the responsibilities and natural difficulties, it also has very great reward in the hereafter.
Islam considers the man who struggle for the procurement of the sustenance and management for his family as a mujahid (fighter in war):
الكاد علي عياله كالمجاهد قي سبيل الله
"The one endeavoring for his family is like a mujahid (warrior) on Allah's way."
This is a great blessing of which the hardships along the way, if perceived by us, would become sweeter than honey; just as a crusade in the way of Allah is sweeter than honey to the real and true crusaders.
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Islam holds: 'Services has then parts, and nine parts of it are hidden in the struggle and endeavour of securing the lawful sustenance for one's family'.
What problem does it make if a man faces a bit of difficulty for the sake of Allah's pleasure, remaining pure from contamination, defending his honour ad personality, enjoying lawful and legal pleasures, and attaining a spiritual peace and tranquillity and all those rewards of the hereafter? Is it not that 'heaven is given for its price and not on excuse?'1
Is it not that 'paradise is surrounded by hardships and the fire (hell) is encompassed by lustful desires? That is to say, one must cross the hardships to reach the paradise, prosperity, and honour. And being sunk into lustful desires, passions, laziness and luxury-seeking drags a man towards hell.
Dear young sister and brother! Be dauntless and courageous and not be harassed by difficulties. Do not ever think, "I can not face the responsibilities of marriage, a spouse and a joint life." Just wish it and you can do it.
Hardships are the salt (taste) of life. If there is none, life becomes tasteless and tiring, and the joys and enjoyment lose their colour and flavour. If there is no difficulty in one's life, one cannot properly sense the sweet taste of joys, felicities, comforts and delight. If you do not travel in night, you will be able to
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1- A sentence commonly known from martyr Dr.Ayatollah Beheshti.
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reach anywhere in the daytime!
One of the interesting results I have reached by studying and evaluating the lives of many youths, is that youths who have everything for themselves, whose parents and elders manage all their affairs, arrange a spouse for them and bear their total expenditures, as well as taking their responsibilities upon their problems, or not permitting them to face any kind of difficulty or hardship, usually do not grow up to be successful men. Rather, they are brought up to become worthless ad good for nothing. And when they lose their parents' backing, they become impoverished and run-down.
On the contrary, those who shoulder the responsibilities of their lives and solve their problems by deliberation and contemplation and endeavour, usually become successful, capable, talented and energetic, forceful persons.
Of course, this topic has been discussed among the problems of psychology, training and ethics. But it is more attractive to be observed and perceived practically by man himself.
NOTE
The fact described above is different form the assistance and guidance that is 'logical' and 'necessary' and which parents and elders should exercise with regard to the youth. they mst definitely help an guide, but the 'decision making', 'selection' and 'responsibility of administering matters' and doing
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the work must be left the sons.
Finally we present the message containing words of the Prophet (a.s) who said:
يا معشر الشباب! عليكم بالباه.
"Oh youths: You must certainly marry."
Do marry, depending upon Allah, short of fear from hardships, odds and difficulties. Allah be your helper.
A WORD WITH THE ELDERS
When the youth talked to about marriage and are being encouraged in connection with this important issue and the solution to the difficulties and hindrances and constraints to it, they say: "These problems can be discussed with our parents and seniors so that they may help us out and pave the way for the achievement of the solution; but anyhow, we are ready to marry".
Therefore, it is necessary to have a word with the parents, elders and the authorities and all those who can take steps towards the marriage of youths,and with those who may be effective in materializing this matter, desirable to Allah.
Taking steps and being a mediator for marriage and providing the preliminaries and the means of family raising of the youth is one of the best services and activities which wins Allah's pleasure.
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Allah says to the elders, "Marry your unmarrieds."1 Nevertheless, youths, if there is no obstacle on their way, are ready to marry.
The Prophet (a.s) said:
"The one who takes a step for the marriage of others, Allah bestows upon him a reward, for each step he takes or each word he says, equal to one year's service, in which he might have been fasting during the days and offering prayers in the nights."2
It is interesting that this great reward is for the one who takes steps in this connection, whether the marriage takes shape or not. This trade with Allah does not have any loss, it is all profit.
For Allah's sake imagine what a huge reward and prosperity awaits a person who puts in effort to bring about and arrange the marriage of others. Usually and normally all of us have the vigour and means to take part and share in this way of blessing, and to help the youth set up a simple life. We can help the marriage financially (although a small help, either in the form of a loan or freely), through mediation (or talking to the parents to soften their hearts), or in laying the foundation of a fund, institution, etc. Or we may endeavour to reform the culture of our society by cultural programmes, publications and propagation of book on this topic, arranging and organising
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1- Surah of Noor, verse 32.
2- Wasail al-Shia, vol. 14.p77.
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meeting, seminars and classes to talk and admonish on this matter. All this matter. All these activities are extremely worthy and valuable.
Imam Jafar Sadiq (a.s) says:
من زوج أعزبا كان ممن ينظر الله إليه يوم القيامة.
"The person who provides a wife for a bachelor, Allah will look at him on the justice day (with beneficence and kindness)."
What beneficence and blessing can be over and above Allah's mercy?
Again the same magnanimous one says:
أفضل الشفاعات أن تشفع بين اثنين في نكاح حتي يجمع الله بينهما.
"The best of mediations is to become a mediator between two person for marriage until Allah unites them together."
As a matter of fact, the one who takes a step on this way is the agent and representative of Allah in this sacred matter.
Imam Musa Kazim (a.s) said: "The one who provides a spouse for a bachelor (whether a boy or a girl), will stay secure and peaceful in the shade of Allah's throne on the day of justice."
A SOCIAL DISEASE
Yet another social, dogmatic disease on our society, which has overwhelmed the entire body of it in the name of religion, Islam, Imams, and progeny of the Prophet (a.s), is that large amounts of money are spent
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on ceremonies and rituals, which do not have ay root ad origin in Islam. For instance,some parties and strange dinner tables like the table of 'Haft Seen' (containing seven different foods starting with the letter 's'). This is celebrated on the day of Nowruz -the first day of the new year- with a lot of extravagance and so much waste it is certainly religiously unlawful. Or some other food distribution like preparing 'Aash' (a kind of soup) at great expense and with great ceremony are anti-Islamic.
Regarding the 'youth marriage' for which all these Quranic verses and Hadiths have reached us, we take fewer steps, and those benevolent ones who spend all these amounts are least prepared to spend upon this important matter. Is it not according to what the Commander of the believers (a.s) said?
"Islam has been put on like an inverted goatskin." 1
Of course, charitable food distributions and rituals, which are according to the laws of Islam and do not have anything forbidden and unlawful do bring reward from Allah.
Here it would not be out of place to praise, appreciate, and thank the 'Imam Khomeini's Committee of Help' which is proceeding on this way of Allah and the Prophet's Sunnah and has arranged and managed the marriages of thousands of youths.
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1- Nahjul Balagha; Subhi Saleh, sermon 108 (last sentence of the sermon.)