Chapter Eight : Greatest Pleasures
Islam has attended to all human needs, not separating man and woman's material and spiritual life. Islam accepts the attractions and beauties of human life in both material and spiritual aspects. It looks positively at the issue of 'enjoyment' and denies the lack of enjoyments in some Sufi and Eastern schools. It therefore considers marriage and its enjoyments reasonable inside Islamic framework. Islam also considers marriage and its normal pleasures as effective in the human spiritual growth.
This Islamic view is not only about some parts of the worldly life; rather all the pleasures and joys of life are viewed as positive, constructive, and valuable in Islam.
According to this view, woman is considered as one of the most valuable and attractive parts of the human life. Phylogeny (fondness of one's wife) is thus considered congruent with the Islamic belief and human spiritual growth, provided that it is moderate and away from extreme fondness in women, which is denied by the common sense and the religion.
The woman (one's wife) is introduced as a very enjoyable creature in the Islamic teachings.
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Imam Sadiq (a.s) narrated from the Prophet (a.s.): "The delight of my eyes has been made in prayer and my pleasure (has been made) in women."
1
Imam Sadiq (a.s) was asked: "What is the most enjoyable thing?" Everybody said something about this, but Imam Sadiq (a.s) replied, "The most enjoyable thing is the sleeping with women."
2
Surprisingly, the enjoyment of association with women is considered the greatest pleasure of the Hereafter, too, in a tradition narrated from Imam Sadiq (a.s).
Imam Sadiq (a.s) said, "People do never enjoy in this life and the afterlife a pleasure more pleasant than the pleasure of (association or sleeping with) woman ... The inhabitants of the Paradise do not find anything more enjoyable than marriage, which is found neither in foods nor in drinks."
3
As a result, there is no doubt about the acceptance of this kind of pleasure by Islam. In addition to so many spiritual realities, the material daily realities of life are not ignored in Islam. In fact, anything is defined in its own place and within the religious framework. Defining mere material goals, however, is not acceptable in the Islamic view.
Imam Sadiq (a.s) said, "From the morals of the prophets is the love of women."
4
Thus, the philosophy of enjoyment has two basic criteria; first, the human beings should avoid material enjoyments as their ultimate goal in life, so that they would not ignore the
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1 Al-Kafi, 5/321; Wasa'il al-Shi'a, 14/10.
2 Ibid.
3 Al-Kafi, 5/321, 320.
4 Ibid.
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permanent spiritual joys. Second, they should act moderately; avoid both Sufi avoidance of joys and the mere goal of enjoyment. Both of these extremes are far from the high Islamic goals. Islam supports moderation in all fields of life, including enjoyment. It has been proved that moderation helps permanent benefit from pleasures, because going to extreme results in early old age and the deprivation of enjoyment.
Imam Ali (a.s) said, "The one who does not act economically (moderately) shall die out of wastefulness (extravagance)."
1
Imam Sajjad (a.s) stated, "... Please me with moderation ... "
2
Moderation helps benefit from the present facilities, but extravagance wastes capitals and abilities.
By spreading close relationship between husband and wife, Islam tries to strengthen the family institution. This way, the family members do not attend only to legal regulations for solving their problems; rather, they follow their own deep emotions. The principle of kindness is the natural base of spouses' relationships that overshadows the law. Legal and social rules are not efficient enough in reinforcing the family. Only love and kindness help fortify family relations and dominate legal and ethical regulations.
The cooperation of ethical and religious systems is necessary for enforcing all the rules. All cases of breaking the law and escaping from it happen because the legal
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1 Al-Hayat, 3/ 275, Farsi translation.
2 Al-Hayat 3/ 275, Farsi translation.
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systems try to institutionalize the law rigidly, not with the help of emotional and religious systems.
"... In no society human values can be maintained merely by the law; rather by strengthening human virtues and ethics. Increasing people's understanding also simplifies the job of law enforcers. It is by awakening the conscience of people that the law is followed without any force or obligation."
1
"... The institutionalization of law facilitates the continuation and maintenance of societies, not the number of legal books or the fear of punishment ..."
2
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1 Hadrat Ma'suma wa Shahri Qom, 82, Second Edition, Daftar Tabliqat Islami Qom, 1369.
2 Qanun wa Shakhsiyyat, p.2.
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Chapter Nine : Woman's Mission
The human being is a free creature, who can decide overtly, and choose something from among others. However, man or woman is entangled in nature's compulsory rules, limited by natural traditions, and cannot go beyond them.
For instance, the human being becomes hungry; his/her hunger is satisfied with some food. S/he needs the air and to breathe. S/he gets sick and needs drugs. Finally, after a period of growth, s/he gradually looses power and passes away. There are no options and solutions in such issues, but obedience and surrender.
The result of this compulsion principle in science is that the natural rules of any creature are not changeable. Any attempt for changing these compulsory conditions may violate that creature's quality of existence. Even if he/she/it is able to continue life after being altered, he/she/it may not remain as efficient as before.
The nature's unchangeable rules have also defined certain duties and missions for man and woman. They should find their mission inside the natural framework and follow it. It is therefore not logical that woman accomplishes the male's duties and vice versa; it is no progress or evolution, as some people might think!
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"Physiologic rules are as rigid as the rules of stars and not changeable because of human desires ..."
1
As a result, anyone should attempt, think, and act inside his/her framework of existence to go beyond the material life to human perfection. Man and woman's special missions are discussed with regard to this inflexible criterion.
Though man and woman are from the same essence of creation, according to the natural laws each one has a especial mission. His mission is to be a good man and her mission is to be a good woman; that is what the nature has specified for them.
'Women should try to develop their natural characteristics, in line with their own nature and without blind imitation. Their mission in promoting the human race is much greater than men's is. Women should not consider their mission as unimportant. The importance of the two genders is not their being equal ..."
2
The equality of rights and missions in the two genders blends two different sets of duties while both remain undone. This inefficient performance of duties brings about basic disorders in the society. If the proponents of woman's rights announce this sameness of duties, they prevent both genders from completing their fundamental roles.
In fact, the blind blending of man and woman's missions is the result of the male prejudice, which considers the male gender more valuable. It tries to provoke women to think, work, and have emotions and roles like men. This is really an insult to women, because maleness is considered a value.
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1 Man; The Unknown Being, p.101.
2 Man; The Unknown Being, p.103.
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Woman's prejudice should thus not liken women to men and ignore their original character, in order to value them!
Being a woman is perfection and value in itself, just as being a man is valuable. Man and woman each have divine missions by doing that by which they can get prosperity and perfection in this world and the Hereafter. Anyone who seeks to be like the opposite sex might suffer from inferiority complex and even cannot play his/her own role, because of being alien to his/her real character.
In this compulsory life, the physiologic and psychophysiologic rules have introduced certain ways for each of the two genders, congruous with their physical and psychological characteristics, to grow and reach their own goals. Therefore, the criteria for education, rule-making, and other social areas should be in accord with each gender.
"Experts of education should consider man and woman's differences and their natural roles. This is a very important factor for creating our future civilization."
1
We can mention many instances of men's feminine roles and women's masculine jobs in some countries and evaluate their resulting problems for the human soeiety, as mentioned even by proponents of feminism. Only one example is talked about here :
One of the effects of this blending of roles is the destruction of families, which is totally incurable. Some imaginary fortune-tellings that talk about employed mothers and ordered children are really nasty and they cannot fill the empty place of the family, the relationships among its members and many other emotional ties. How can the
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1 Man; The Unknown Being, p.103.
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employed mothers and the ordered children of medical institutes bring about that calmness created by a family of father, mother, and children? How can a human society be established by such stepfathers and stepchildren? Can we expect the humane love and kindness in such artificial relationships? The proponents of the artificial life consider humans as objects and the role of human families as multifunctional machines! Of course, these instances are very few and created from fatal materialist and capitalist views. Thoughts and views against the Divine rules and traditions would not last long and would be vanished by human pure temperament and the Divine religions. Even now, the modernism that thought of core families is being defied and replaced by postmodernism and its trend of extended families and their values.
The future tellers, too, talk about the human tendency to traditional families in future civilizations :
"... I think none of them (multinational firms, information mangers, computer rooms, industrial research labs, etc.) is the future society's main axis. In fact, homes are the axes of future civilization. To me, home is very important in the third wave. The introduction of production for consumption, the development of electronic village, organizational constructions in economy, automatic industries, and non-mass production all imply the regained importance of the family as the basic unit of future society; a unit whose economic, medical, educational, and social duties shall increase in the future, rather than decrease ..."
1
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I The Third Wave, p.490.
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Chapter Ten : Consultation with Woman
Family is a small society. Managing this small society is so hard and delicate. The father and mother, as the basic axes of the family, cannot easily manage the family if they do not have the power of understanding and decision-making.
The family management has various aspects, like economic, cultural, medical, legal, ethical and educational aspects. These aspects exist in the husband and wife's relationship, the relationship among the children, and the children-parents' relations.
The small- and large-scale managements are identical in some respects, so the managers of small societies, such as family, should follow the methods of large-scale successful managers in their own small society.
One of the factors in successful management is consultation. In other words, though the final decision is made by one person, s/he consults with others before making plans and decisions. This has a two-fold result.
First, the manager's consultation with other people in a system gives them self-confidence and self-esteem. The second result is that the system benefits from the experience, knowledge, and information of all the people. It is evident that 'Not everyone knows everything' and only by consultation the helpful information of all individuals is gained.
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That is why consultation is considered a criterion for the growth of cognition and future knowledge and has been too much emphasized in Islam. The Holy Qur'an says :
(And consult with them in the affair ...) 1
Getting advice from others is also stressed in traditions.
Imam Ali (a.s.) said, "It is an incumbent duty of a wise person to add the views of prudent men to his own view."
2
The Holy Qur'an has mentioned 'consultation' in three verses. One is addressed to the Holy Prophet (a.s.) to consult with the Muslim Umma on important issues, which was mentioned at the beginning of this chapter. This is not the consulting about laws, of course, because the lawmaker is only Allah in Islam, but in the way of carrying out the laws. The history of Islam has many cases of the Prophet's consulting with his disciples, like when the Muslims dug the trench in the al-Khandaq Battle by the idea of Salman.
Another instance of Qur'anic verses about consultation is this verse :
(... and their affair is a matter of counsel among themselves) 3
This verse is about the entire Muslim nation. Since the verse begins with:
"And those who respond to their Lord and keep up prayer," it addresses all the believers. This nation should base their activities on consultation.
The third instance is about consultation in the family.
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1 Qur'an, 3: 159.
2 Al-Hayat, 1/314. For more information c.f. Al-Hayat, Farsi translation 1/313-322.
3 Qur'an, 42: 38.
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(... But if both (parents) desire weaning by mutual consent and counsel, there is no blame on them.) 1
The word (mutual consultation) in this verse means two-sided consultation. This may refer to the fact that the husband and wife should ask each other's views regarding the education of children. In fact, the joint experience and understanding of two managers directs the family members.
In Majma' al-Bayan, we read :
'"Mutual counsel' means joint consultation between man and woman in the family. The agreement of the two parents is necessary for deciding about children. Since, mother knows things about the children of which the father is-unaware, not consulting may harm the children."
2
Based on this Islamic principle, man and woman should manage the family jointly. Though the family tasks should be divided between husband and wife, its management should be done by their cooperation.
This cooperation of man and woman in the family issues and the education of children is stated in another verse, too :
(... Then if they (wives) suckle (the children) for you, give them their recompense and enjoin one another among you to do good; and if you disagree, another woman shall suckle for him (the child).) 3
For the phrase (enjoin one another among you to do good) three meanings have been mentioned :
4
1. Accepting each other's opinion if it is a good one; because Allah has ordered the breastfeeding woman and her
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1 Qur'an, 2: 233.
2 Majma' al-Bayan, 2/ 335.
3 Qur'an, 65: 6.
4 Majma' al-Bayan, 9& 10/ 309.
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husband to follow Allah's command, and each other's opinion if logical.
2. Ordering each other about the breastfeeding in a good manner
3. Consulting with each other
A fourth meaning is said by Aminul Islam Tabarsi: "You manage among you the affairs of the child and the taking care of his mother so that not to make the child miss his mother's kindness ..."
1
In all the four notions, there are joint concepts that respect woman's personality, consulting with her, and respecting her opinion in family and children's concerns. The Holy Qur'an commands: Discuss with each other, suggest ideas, and accept each other's opinions. This verse in general denies the superiority of men or fathers. Therefore, the husband and wife should cooperate and consult with each other regarding the physical and mental education and growth of children. The husband should not impose his own opinion and tendency on the others.
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1 Majma' al-Bayan, 9& 10/ 309.
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Chapter Eleven : Superiority
Discussing man's superiority is necessary in defending woman's rights, since this superiority means the absolute ruling of man in the family and his managing of his wife and children.
Man's superiority or any other kind of superiority is a relationship among people based on the individual's needs, desires, and opinions that are imposed on others paying no attention to others' wants and ideas.
This kind of relationship resembles a tyrant oppressor's relationship, since there are some hidden criteria in such relations that exist in the autocratic ruling.
One of the reasons behind superiority is the sense of self-admiration. It can be present in small- or large-scale social relations, between two people or one person and a group. Just as a ruler can rule in this way, a father or a mother can manage the family, imposing their own opinions on the other family members. Thus, the concepts of 'tyrant' or 'despot' mentioned in the Holy Qur'an are generalizable to any relationship based on one side's self-admiration and oppression. It also includes any kind of disrespecting of other people's positions and opinions.
The one, who considers her/himself better than others, humbles them, and considers their opinions wrong, is an
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oppressor and a tyrant in the Islamic teachings, whether s/he acts this way in the society or in his/her own family.
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said, "Anyone, who despises people and unduly imposes his power on them, is a tyrant."
1
Social or managerial self-admiration is rooted in the personal ethical vices. Pride is an inner cause of superiority-based relations, just as humbleness is a moral that respect other people and appreciate their personalities, achievements, opinions, and intellect.
We read in some tradition sources :
The Prophet (a.s.) said, "Avoid pride, because some slave may still be proud until Allah the Almighty will say: 'Record my this servant among the tyrants."'
2
Therefore, a proud person can be a tyrant even in the limited round of his/her affiliates, such as teacher, student, employee, employer, husband, wife, or friend.
The Holy Prophet of Islam (a.s.) is quoted to say, "Someone may be considered an oppressor even if he is in no charge except of his own family."
3
In fact, even the management of a family may be autocratic. Such Islamic teachings refer to superiority of one person in the family that is when man or woman acts autocratically and imposes his/her ideas and wants on others.
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1 Kafi 2/311, al-Wafi 5/ 872.
2 Mizan Al-Hikma 8/ 300.
3 Ibid.
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Imam Sadiq said, "Be humble before your teachers and not be tyrant scholars, that your untruth may take away your truth."
1
Scholars and professors can have autocratic relations and behave superiorly with their students that is unlike the humble nature of man.
The satanic self-admiring autocratic tendency (and its consequences that lead to the belittling of others) is something undivine and it results from the weak faith in Allah. In fact, the one, who knows the Creator's greatness, accepts Him as the Creator of all the creatures and the Keeper of all these creatures in the future, does not consider himself independent of and better than other people.
Imam Ali (a.s.) said, "One, who knows the greatness of Allah, should not see himself as great."
2
For avoiding any autocratic behavior when in power, one should think of Allah's infinite Power, so that his ending power does not make him neglect Allah's ever-lasting Might.
Imam Kadhim (a.s.) said, "When you remember your power over the people, remember Allah's Power over you tomorrow (on the Day of Judgment)."
3
The inhumane autocracy may happen in the simplest forms of social life as well as in the most complex forms. We read in some tradition sources :
The Prophet (a.s.) said, "Beware of pride, because pride may exist in someone who even if has nothing but a cloak on
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1 Mizan Al-Hikma., 2/ 518.
2 Nahjol Blagha, 450.
3 Al-Kafi, 5/ 110; Al-Hayat 1/ 656, Farsi translation.
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him."
1
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) has narrated a story from the Prophet's life, which shows the conceptual variety of tyranny and oppression.
"Pride may exist in any race and kind of people...The Prophet (a.s.) was passing in some road in Medina when there was a black woman who was collecting dung. She was asked to clear the way, but she said, 'The way is very wide.' Some men wanted to push her away, but the Prophet (a.s.) said, 'Leave her alone because she is arrogant."'
2
Sheikh Majlisi has explained this last phrase as: "... She is proud and arrogant."
3
If someone has not trained his/her own soul, he or she may become arrogant. Neither empty-handedness nor knowledge can prevent this vice. Of course, it is more limited in weaker people and more extended in powerful ones. This vice may even exist in some scholars and scientists, since their social relations are wider and they present their opinions in vaster managerial circles.
Imam Ali (a.s.) said, "Fear Allah, fear Allah for the bad end of pride; it is the greatest trap of Satan and his biggest plot that overcomes the hearts of men like fatal poisons. It does fail or leave no one; neither a scholar for his knowledge, nor a poor man with his rugged dress ..."
4
So any relationship has a tint autocracy, arrogance, or self-deceit that lead to the degrading and belittling of people is rejected in Islam.
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1 Mizan al-Hikma, 8/ 299.
2 Al-Kafi, 2/ 309; Bihar al-Anwar, 73/ 210.
3 Bihar al-Anwar, 73/ 211.
4 Nahjol Balagha, 578, Translated by Abdul Muhammad Ayati.
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Imam Sadiq (a.s.) narrated from the Prophet Muhammad (a.s.) his saying :
"I curse seven kinds of people whom Allah and every responded-to prophet curse ... (one of them is he) who rules with arrogance in order to honor those whom Allah has degraded, and to degrade those whom Allah has honored ..."
1
Any kind of management should be away from seeking arrogance and superiority. Two individuals, regardless of their apparent scientific, religious, financial, and social differences, should have equal relations.
Islam has warned the people who think they can gain higher social positions and more supporters by autocratic methods. In fact, it is humbleness that raises man's position, gains support for his opinions, and confirms his social base. Hence, those who want to gain more respect in their management realms, small or large, should replace autocratic behavior with humble one. Men, for instance, should avoid superior behavior in the family.
Imam Ali (a.s.) said, "Humbleness brings you gravity."
2
The Prophet (a.s.) said, "Surely, humbleness brings sublimity, so be humble that Allah may raise you high"
3.
By being humble and respecting others' thought and character, all opinions are benefited from and everybody participates in all activities. This way, all the activities are done collectively and supported by public power, and thus the public power replaces the individual power.
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1 Bihar al-Anwar, 75/ 339.
2 Mizan Al-Hikma 10/ 508.
3 Al-Kafi, 2/121.
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Imam Ali (a.s) stated, "With humbleness all affairs are carried orderly."
1
By humbleness and avoiding of arrogance and self-admiration, friendship and love spread among the people of a society (whether small or large), and the safety and soundness of the society become certain, and collective relations are stabilized.
Imam Ali (a.s) said, "The fruit of humbleness is love, and the fruit of pride is curse."
2
Imam Ali (a.s) also said, "Humbleness brings you safety."
3
Imam Ali (a.s) said, "Try to put humbleness on your heads, throw the appearance of mighty under your feet, and take pride out of your necks ..."
4
Equal, and even humble, relations is the sign of wisdom in Islam, because only wise people understand the human position well and believe in human greatness. They evaluate human beings by their humane characteristics, rather than temporary social, economic, or political status. Therefore, wise men and women avoid superiority in relations, which is the outcome of self-admiration. They treat all the people of all social classes humbly.
Imam Ali (a.s.) said, "A wise man humbles himself and he is raised high, and an ignorant one raises himself and he is lowered."
5
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1 Mizan al-Hikma 10/ 508.
2 Ibid.
3 Ibid.
4 Nahjol Balagha, 568.
5 Mizan al--Hikma, 10/510.
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This is a great lesson of Islam to people that any kind of autocracy (that leads to superiority) prevents growth of the human wisdom. An arrogant self-admiring person trusts and relies only on his/her own mind, not consulting with others, thus s/he is deprived of more knowledge. This way, an arrogant one is always confused in solving the life problems. S/he is also deprived of new ways and solutions of wise people, because no one knows everything.
Imam Kadhim (a.s) said, "Surely, a seed grows in the plain and not in the hard rocks. So is wisdom; it grows in the heart of a humble person and does not grow in the heart of an arrogant proud one, because Allah has made humbleness as the tool of wisdom and made pride as the tool of ignorance."
1
Materializing the human rights -the base of social relations- is possible by right relations. Violation of the human rights, on the other hand, happens because of superiority and autocracy in relations.
Imam Sadiq (a.s) narrated from the Prophet (a.s.) his saying, "The greatest of pride is the despising of people and ignoring the truth." The Prophet (a.s.) was asked what the meaning of the despising of people and the ignoring of the truth was, and he said, "It means ignoring the truth and criticizing its people ..."
2
Because of the importance of this issue, another statement of the Prophet (a.s.) is mentioned here :
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1 Bihar al-Anwar, 78/ 312.
2 Al-Kafi, 2/ 310.
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The Prophet (a.s.) said, "Pride is to desert the truth and seek other than it, and look at people and see that no one's honor is like your honor and no one's lineage is like yours."
1
The main reason for despising people and violating their rights is the disrespecting of the human personality of their persons, as is mentioned in some Islamic teachings :
Imam Sadiq (a.s.) said, "Pride is the deserting of the truth and the despising of people."
2
Ignoring the truth and denying it is autocracy. Avoiding pride and superiority is the main factor of seeking the truth and avoiding the violation of others' rights, either in a large society or a small society of family.
The Prophet (a.s.) said, "Be humble so that no one may oppress the other."
3
When man believes in other people's personalities and positions, he regards himself less important and sees others better than him. Therefore, he respects their opinions, actions, and rights. This way, superiority and autocracy do not appear in the social relations. Such people believe that everybody has an opinion. Even in a family, everyone can talk about his/her opinion, so that the family members find out new solutions and guidelines, and thus they shall have a warm life.
The believing in the human personality and value has also a deep effect in worshipping Allah. The worship of autocrat and proud people is not accepted, since pride leads
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1 Bihar al-Anwar, 77/90.
2 Majma' al-Bahrayn, 3/ 332.
3 Mizan al-Hikma, 10/ 508
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to the lack of belief in others and removes the essence of the loyalty to Allah.
Imam Sadiq (a.s) said, "Allah the Almighty has said: 'Surely, I accept the prayer only of one who is not arrogant and proud towards My people."'
1
These were instructions for the kind of social relation with all people. There are special teachings about the quality of relations between man and woman in the small society of 'family' as well. These teachings necessitate respect, mutual understanding, and avoidance of autocracy. They also indicate that neither man nor woman is superior in the family relations; the true criteria in personal and collective relations are understanding, consultation, value, insight, and knowledge. The family management should be based on understanding and capability.
When some woman asked him what the women's rights over men were, the Prophet (a.s.) replied, "My brother Gabriel (a.s.) often and always recommends me about women, until I thought that a husband has no right to say to his wife even "ugh". (He said to me), 'O Muhammad! Fear Allah the Almighty as to women, for they are deposits in your hands. You have taken (married) them by the covenant of Allah the Almighty, and so they have obligatory rights on you for what you have get lawful of their bodies and enjoyed their pleasures, and for that they bear your children in their inners until they suffer bitter labor (of childbirth) because of that. Therefore, be kind to them and delight their hearts, so that they continue living with and assist you. Do not force them to do anything (they hate), do not make them angry,
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1 Al-Wafi, 26/277.
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and do not take back anything from what you have granted to them, except with their satisfaction and permission ..."
1
Some phrases of the Prophet's statement said by Gabriel deny the imposition of husbands' opinion upon the wives, such as 'delight their hearts!' or 'Do not force them to do anything the hate!' The ending phrase, too, rejects men's superiority over women. Islam orders men to get permission from women for taking their property, so it is clear that their opinion, mind, and mood should be taken into account in all other issues, too.
In sum, these Islamic criteria are incongruous with the least amount of men's superiority and autocratic behavior.
The 'goodness' principle was also discussed in previous chapters. This principle rejects any superiority of man in the family, since it is in contrast with the 'goodness', respect, and the value of woman's personality.
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1 Mustadrak al-Wasa'il, 14/252; Sheikh Nuri narrates this tradition from Da'a'im al-Islam.
