Acceptance Not A Family Issue
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The view expressed by two women converts was that their families of origin didn't have any say about their choice. They felt it really was not any of their family's business and if the daughter's decision was disturbing, it was the family's problem, not the daughter's.
+The effect on my family members is nonexistent. I am an adult, and I choose to do what I want. We conduct ourselves as adults and do not ask for permission to live our lives. Religion is not an outward part of my parents' lives, and we do not talk about religious matters unless asked. When we move overseas, I hope they will understand, but if they don't, that is an issue that they will have to deal with.
+Becoming Muslim has no effect on my relationship with my family. They knew they could accept or reject my religion; either way they had no influence. My husband (non-Muslim) accepted my changes because he respects me as a person.
I live in the West [of the United States] and my relatives live in the East/Midwest. I feel as though they
In no instance did the questionnaire responses reflect that the women were becoming Muslim in order to anger their parents or family of origin or to try to get back at them in any way. Most were cognizant that relationships would be strained by their actions and tried to find ways to soften the news of their conversion. But for the women, this newfound faith was worth even the loss of their families if that was the only way it could be. They had chosen their path, and they intended to walk it.
"Mom, I brought you some tapes to listen to so you will understand more about what Islam is all about. Really, Mom, there is a lot in common with Christianity. I feel more like I can live as you raised me to live than I did before."
Yes, she probably was right about that part since our church had some expectations that were difficult for youth to live up to in society. But Islam similar to Christianity? Well, that would be hard to prove to me. It all had caused so much trouble politically and had such strange ideas. However, I was open to learning. What other choice did I have if I wanted a relationship with my daughter? It took almost a year and a half to accept and support Jodi in the life she had chosen. I saw her so disciplined in her religion, so wanting to serve God and others around her, so strong as she wore the strange clothing with head cover to classes on the campus. And yet, she was still our Jodi who loved us, who loved to talk and be with people, who struggled to keep up with her studies, who wanted to be a nurse-and was doing it.Jihad is a word that has become familiar to many non- Muslims because the media has often associated it with terrorist activities. Dr. Jamilah Kolocotronis, an American-born convert to Islam, in her doctoral dissertation, explored this Islamic concept, which came out of the Arabic language, meaning struggle or exertion. In the time of Muhammad, it took on new meaning as this young new religion began its growth. In her book, Islamic Jihad: An Historical Perspective, Dr. Kolocotronis states:
Now it took on the meaning of "struggle in the cause of Allah." After the period of Muhammad, historians began to translate jihad as "holy war," but this definition does not account for the full meaning of the term. Jihad should always be defined as struggle in the "Cause of Allah," for this definition alone encompasses all the nuances of the term.(1) In this sense, any activity related to Islamic practice may be a struggle such as waking up for the dawn prayer if one is not an early riser. Negative connotations of jihad have developed for Westerners as radical groups (representing a small minority of people) have used the term extensively.During the time of Muhammad, this term was applied individually, especially in the first few years as Muslim converts joined the small movement and struggled to leave the old traditions and way of life and, in spite of family members and other difficulties,
Islam is an unknown to most of us. Even though we may have read a book on Islam or Muslims, studied it in a class- at church, or had a unit on it at school, the content didn't have much meaning or really stay with us. Now, however, there is a walking, talking loved one who has become Muslim. Now we need to find out about that which is so important to her, to understand the journey she is on.
Islam is the name of the religion. It is an Arabic word that means "acceptance of God as Supreme" and calls for submission to the One God. The literal meaning of the word is peace-to live in peace with the Creator, within one's self; and with other people.
The followers of Islam are called Muslim. They do not like to be referred to as Muhammadans or Islamites or Islams. The people are called Muslims.
Muslims believe that Muhammad was chosen by God to be a prophet to receive God's message from the angel Gabriel. This was in Mecca in the Arabian Peninsula in the seventh century. The Qur'an (or Koran) is the book of the divine messages that came through Muhammad over a period of twenty-three years. Muslims believe that the Qur'an contains the literal and final word of God to the world.
In review, the religion is Islam, the people are Muslims, the prophet is Muhammad, and their sacred book of God's revelations through Muhammad is the Qur'an.
The second article of faith is that God has provided guidance for living through such prophets as Adam, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, Solomon, and David-some of the Old Testament prophets; John and Jesus of the New Testament; and Muhammad as the last and final prophet bringing Allah's final and literal word to humankind. As Muslims say or write each prophet's name, they say "Peace be upon him" or write (pbuh) after the name. They consider Christians, Jews, and Muslims to be people of "the book" and feel kinship through the prophets.
Prophet Muhammad is revered (not worshipped as divine) as God's messenger, and Jesus also is accepted as a messenger of God's word. Even though Muslims and Christians disagree about the divinity of Jesus, they do agree on many ideas about morality, life after death, and the day of judgment. The Qur'an teaches that adultery, murder, lying, stealing, and cheating are wrong.
Life after death is the third fundamental belief in Islam. Both belief and action are important in this life. They believe in a day of judgment in which we will be held accountable before God for our conduct. It is important that in each action there is consideration given to whether or not it is in accordance with what God has commanded.
In embracing Islam, the converts declare shahada by repeating in Arabic that they bear witness to no other deity but Allah and that Muhammad is a prophet of Allah. They also take on a way of life that has many requirements and obligations as they set their course on the "straight path." Although such practices seem to require great effort, responses to the questionnaire indicated that, overall, the women were delighted with the opportunity to have these disciplines in their lives. Some of the women respondents found fasting to be easy while others found it extremely difficult at first. Many of the women were able to slip regularly into the schedule of the five obligatory prayers each day while others had to work hard at getting into that routine. Wearing the scarf was a blessing and no problem for some; others took years to get to the point of wearing a scarf at all the required times.
The women received help in finding how to live an Islamic lifestyle from several sources. Their husbands were a strong support. They taught and directed their wives in the practice of Islam, and in the process reestablished their own faith practice. Books, videos, and audiotapes explained techniques on how to do things. Many found help from other Muslim women who were either American-born converts or were women born into Islam.
+Since I was introduced to Islam by my husband, it was easier for me to learn to live as Muslim by observing his daily example and that of some of his friends. As for
The first time I fasted, I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to bear it, never having gone even a short time without food. My husband explained the importance and significance of fasting, but said I didn't have to if I absolutely couldn't stand it, since Allah never requires more of us than we can bear. His moderation helped me through it, and since then I have always fasted whenever required.
The five daily prayers are probably the most difficult, since our American lifestyle often doesn't allow for them to be performed at their proper times. Sometimes time gets the best of me, but I never stop praying, even ill miss some [of the prayer times]. It may not seem like much, but the small act of prayer is what keeps Allah in my heart and mind at all times.
In each instance the women surveyed expressed the blessings and peace and satisfaction brought to their lives by the discipline required to change their lives, to focus their actions and will toward Allah.
The second of the Five Pillars of Islam is the performance of the five daily prayers (salat) that are required of all Muslims. These prayers are repeated in Arabic and have certain movements and positions for various parts. The prayers must be preceded by ablution or cleansing oneself (wudu) with water by washing of the hands up to the wrist, washing the face and head, and washing the feet up to the ankle. Women wear a special prayer covering. The person must face in a predetermined direction (toward Mecca), which symbolizes Muslim unity.
*Praying five times a day was a big commitment for me. When my husband told me a few minutes after I converted that I had to pray, I was very hesitant to do it. I wasn't used to being actively involved in my religion. But once I started, I didn't want to stop.
*The change to Islam has helped me be more grounded, more relaxed, more focused. You can't stray too far when the next prayer pulls you back. It has certainly had a positive effect on our marriage and family life, and helped me to be a better and calmer mate and mother.
The most meaningful part of Islam for me is the internal process-the prayers and the other reading and spiritual work that is ongoing in my own life for my own spiritual development. Being able to stop a few seconds and surrender everything that is going on to Allah for guidance is a major blessing.
*Praying according to salat (ritual prayer) times is the hardest. I'm still not in tune to clocks.
*Learning the formal ceremony of the ritual cleansing (wudu) and the prayer itself was easy. My husband wrote the words of the prayer on a sheet of paper and added a
The prayers are recited in Arabic and everyone is encouraged to learn Arabic so they can read the Qur'an in the original text. Children in Islamic schools are taught Arabic.
+I am still leaning to live as a Muslim. I ask a lot of questions and read. My mother-in-law sent me a book on prayer, and I memorized the Arabic by myself Wearing the head cover and [learning] rituals concerning prayer and clean/unclean have been hard. I watched a lot of Islamic videos and took extensive notes and attended debates.
+The hardest part is praying. I do it phonetically in Arabic, and I'm afraid I'm pronouncing it wrong and that my prayers won't be accepted as a result. But I know that as long as I try and have good intentions, God will understand. Praying in Arabic and not knowing the Qur'an and hadith [an authoritative source of Islamic practice] like I should have been the hardest parts for me.
+I learned to live as a Muslim mostly through my own reading and research. My husband wrote out the prayers for me in Arabic--which I read-after I had learned them in English. I am just beginning to learn sections of the Qur'an in Arabic--I can't read the fancy calligraphy of
IL has been quite difficult, actually, incorporating all the religious practices I feel are important, but quite satisfying once I have managed it.
The third pillar of Islam is fasting (siyam) and is observed for the month of Ramadan, the name of the ninth month in the lunar year of the Muslim calendar. It is a sacred month for Muslims and combines fasting, prayer, and charity.
Fasting during the month of Ramadan is a religious obligation. During this time a Muslim can eat food before daybreak but is to remain without food or water or intimate sexual activities from dawn to sunset each day during the entire month. Exceptions to required fasting would be for children, the elderly, the sick, travelers, pregnant women, women who have difficulty with breast feeding, and women in menstruation. Adults should make up their missed fasts at another time after Ramadan when their situation is better. Often the breaking of the fast at sunset is done in community with other Muslims.
The last day of the fast is called Eid al-Fitr and is a major celebration time with gifts, special foods, sending of cards, and worship. The women come to love Ramadan even though the discipline of fasting is difficult at first. It is also a time when community bonds with other Muslims are strengthened as well as a time for individual spiritual growth. Sometimes there is frustration in practicing it in non-Muslim countries.
+My first Ramadan was one to remember. It was just shy of six months after my shahada. It was easier than I thought it would be---although it was still a struggle. To be honest I broke my fast three times early in the day, my first Ramadan. It is something that takes total religious commitment and a sound mind.
+Fasting during the holy month of Ramadan was the hardest practice I have encountered. Before my first fast, I was worried that I would not be able to do it and that I would fail this challenge. Of course I was able to do it because fasting is easy when you are doing it for God.
A few times my throat was extremely dry or I had a headache and wanted to take medication, but I abstained. I thought about Imam Husain (pbuh) and his followers (peace be upon them) who were martyred thirsty in the desert of Karbala. I thought about the homeless and poverty-stricken people who did not know when or if they will have another meal.
Fasting helps one gain nearness to God, spiritual awareness, kindness and generosity for others, humility, and thankfulness. Because it is such a spiritual time, I look forward to the holy month of Ramadan each year. During the last ten days of Ramadan I feel sad that it will be over so soon.
+Living as a Muslim has not been that difficult because I have unconsciously been doing that for a number of years. My husband does help make living as a Muslim easier because he is Muslim as well and it's easier to do something when you have company. The only times I find religious practices difficult is around Christmas time when everything is Christianized, and I have to explain why I don't celebrate. The other time is during Ramadan when people ask what I want for lunch and I tell them I am fasting. It's difficult for people to understand, and I know that they judge me for it, but I will not compromise my beliefs for a sandwich from a fast-food restaurant.
The fifth and last pillar of Islam is hajj, a pilgrimage to Mecca for those who have the financial means. Opportunity for the pilgrimage occurs once each year and is the largest gathering of people in the world as 2 to 2 1/2 million gather from every continent of the globe to fulfill this obligation.
