Question 134
I divorced my wife twenty years ago. Recently, my daughter, who is married, asked me why I divorced her mother. I was confused as to how to answer her. After she repeatedly insisted, I told her that one day I saw her mother commit adultery with my friend who used to visit me in the house. I beat him severely until he fled from me, and then I immediately divorced her mother. I am regretful that I uncovered this secret to my daughter. Am I sinful before Allah and mistaken in my frank answer, for her mother may have repented after that?
The answer: You would have been better off to cover the sin of your wife, for Allah is the Coverer of defects. By your frank
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answer, you have placed a thick wall between your daughter and her mother who might have repented (God willing), and furthermore, you have made your daughter live with worry about her reputation and suffer continuous psychological suffering, fearing that her mother might be exposed one day. This is a kind of injustice. You could have covered the matter if you had answered wisely.
A Muslim must prefer the principle of covering and being indifferent of others' defects, except when there is a greater advantage like in reforming or warning. In some traditions, it has been narrated that whoever covers the defects of others Allah will cover him.
As for marital treason, it may happen to anyone besides you; therefore, its causes must be known to prevent the tragedy and its bad consequences from occurring. Being unveiled, incitements, ballrooms, cinemas, movies, and videos, for example, are among the most important causes for committing this sin. Besides this, when some husbands bring their friends to their houses and their wives participate in those meetings with poor veiling, exciting laughter, speaking softly followed by suspicious looks and desires of touching, traitors and traitresses (curse be upon them and upon whoever paves the way for treason) are encouraged to commit their great sin when the simple-minded husband is absent.
What is the guilt of the innocent daughter who lives away from her mother and father? When this daughter grows up, she looks for the reasons why she has been deprived of the warmth of her parents.
Why do people not think of the consequences of their violating the Islamic Sharia?
Yes, for these reasons, Islam has prohibited such preliminaries and imposed the veil, abstinence, and modesty on Muslims.
Question 135
My wife and some of my relatives believe in magic, jugglery, and the
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like. I did not believe in this and I would often say to them that they lived in superstitions. However, a little time ago, I began coming nearer to their beliefs when I saw some signs and heard some stories. What is the view of Islam regarding this matter, to which some Muslim families and communities and even some western people pay a great deal of attention, to a degree that they associate their unhappiness and wretchedness or happiness and success to it?
The answer: Magic and its likes, such as divination, jugglery, conjuration, and employing the jinn for bad purposes, are prohibited in Islam because they are based on lying, cheating, ill-gotten moneys, and neglecting reason and religion. There is no doubt that magic has an external influence on some people of weak, diseased hearts and much illusion. Allah says, (...they taught men sorcery... and from these two (angels) people learn that by which they cause division between man and ;vile; but they injure thereby no one save by Allah's permission).
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The wisdom of prohibiting magic is that when Allah the Almighty created man, He honored him with reason and invited him to use reason to build his life according to its guidance, whereas magic and other things like it contradict the high divine goal and make man and society live in ignorance and illusion away from the truth and the real facts.
Islam has contended against magic and declared that a magician must be killed if he does not repent. The money gained from magic is unlawful. Teaching magic, learning it, and taking wages for it are all unlawful.
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Imam as-Sadiq (s) said, 'He, who learns something of magic whether little or much, disbelieves ...'
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1 Qur'an, 2:102.
2 Some jurisprudents say that learning magic and teaching it for the sake of resisting it is possible, but they emphasize that those who learn magic must be pious so that their piety will prevent them from using magic for other purposes.
3 Mizan al-Hikma, vol. 4 p.408.
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Imam Ali (s) said, 'A diviner is like a fortune-teller, and a fortune-teller is like a magician, and a maician is like an unbeliever, and the unbeliever will be in Fire.'
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If magic and its likes had no harmful effects, Islam would not have prohibited them. We do not say that magic has no effects, but one must seek the protection of Allah the Almighty from magic and its bad effects. Allah says in His Book, (So when they cast down, Musa (Moses) said to them: What you have brought is magic; surely Allah will make it naught; surely Allah does not make the work of mischief-makers to thrive. And Allah will show the truth to be the truth by His words, though the guilty may be averse (to it)).
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This verse and what happened to Prophet Moses (s) with the magicians shows that magic was practiced by the followers of the Devils, but Allah curbed it so that its influence would not reach those who believed and relied on Allah sincerely such as Prophet Moses (s) and the believers whom the influence of magic and jugglery did not affect.
We conclude that when man believes in Allah with sincerity and certainty, magic and its like will not have any influence over him. If magic was able to have influence over anyone, the devils from the human beings and the jinn would do to the believers whatever they liked; however, we find the believers stronger than them, and, moreover, they are able to even annul the effects of magic on others by reciting some Qur'anic verses and certain supplications, through which they strengthen the spirit of a bewitched one and help him overcome the magic and the magician.
Dear brother, herein, I recommend you, your wife, your relatives, and whoever else experiences these fears with the
following:
1. Connect yourselves to Allah sincerely, abide by the legal obligations, refrain from unlawful things, always be
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1 Ibid.
2 Qur'an, 10:81-82.
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pure and always busy yourselves with the remembrance of Allah! Thus, you will protect yourselves from the evil whisperings of the Satan, from magic, and from every evil doing of man and the Devils.
2. Keep these ideas away from your minds as if they do not exist! Thinking of these matters in itself prepares the ground for such illusions and makes the soul fertile to receive misfortunes.
3. Try to keep away from enmities and from those who would use unlawful means to harm you!
4. Beware of those who deal with what are called "unusual sciences", for they look forward to your money before they think of your treatment!
5. Always recite the Holy Qur'an and the supplications of Ahlul Bayt (s) inside your houses, and especially the ziyara of al-Jami'a al-Kabira, the ziyara of Ashura, the tradition of al-Kisa', the Verse of al-Kursi (2:255) five times, and "astaghfirullah" (I ask Allah to forgive me) seventy times!
Question 136
I am a mother of three girls and two boys. This is the production of twenty years of my marriage, which my husband openly describes as being a bad choice. He says that he stays with me just for the sake of the children. He does not feel any love towards me as his wife. He is sad and nervous. He insinuates that he wants to get married to a girl that matches his ambition.
Now, after my hopeless attempts, I have become like him. I do not feel a deep love for him. I have lost my patience. I do not know what my fate or the fate of my children will be. I cry when I am alone. Does my crying solve my problem or could you show me a solution that would take me near happiness and success with my husband?
The answer: To have a happy marital life, one should think deeply before getting married. One should think of the culture, ambition, wishes, and morals of the other person to whom one
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wants to get married. Without that, life will be full of troubles and sufferings as you suffer now. This is the problem of most of those who get married just to satisfy their lusts; they do not think of what will happen when the lust extinguishes and children come.
Now, let us think of a solution on the basis of "something is better than nothing." We suggest that you should:
1. care for yourself by using adornments, perfumes, attractive clothes, and nice (unaffected) words even at ordinary times.
2. care for whatever he is interested in, because this is the key to get to his heart.
3. read more about Islamic culture in general, the Holy Qur'an, and supplications because knowledge relieves the heart and guides to the right way.
4. show love to him and to your children and pay careful attention to the sacred instinct of motherhood so that he may understand that you are ready to tolerate every difficulty for the sake of the happiness of the family, of which you and your husband are two inseparable parts.
5. be smiling and ease the atmosphere in the house with jokes and delightful comments. You should not say that what he has done to you has killed this spirit in you and beware of being desperate!
6. not scold him if he insinuates that he wants to get married to a second wife because he will be more stubborn until he achieves what he wants just to avenge his personality.
7. Lastly, supposing he does achieve his second marriage, you should continue acting according to the aforementioned points as if no difficult matter has happened. In other words, you should convince yourself with the reality. Between you and the other woman, who has the right to live her marital life with your husband, there are certain rights and duties that have been determined by the wise Islamic Sharia. Therefore, do not let the Satan throw you into jealousy against the verdicts of Islam, for then you would destroy your religion and lose your
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life and afterlife. Life is too short and temporary and it is not worth being selfish or wasting time in troubles.
You should realize that when it is difficult for some men to be alone with their wives, either because they have old children or too many guests come too often or the like, they begin thinking of another marriage for some reasons, the first of which is to satisfy their sexual lusts. I do not know whether your husband or your circumstances in the house are like this or not. The assessment is up to you.
Besides all this, I have a word to say to your husband and I hope he will read it with his mind and not with his desires. I would like to say:
Dear brother, I do not doubt that you look forward to a happy and easy life for there is no reasonable person on earth who wants the opposite, not even the scoundrels! Then, try to ponder on your state through answering the following questions:
1. How will you benefit if you destroy your life and get married to another wife? Will your conscience leave you free to be happy with the second wife while you have destroyed the first one?
2. What will you lose if you remain with your wife and children and stay satisfied with your fate?
3. Suppose that you get married to another wife, will you be able to treat your two wives equally and fairly?
After this, I invite you both to think of the following principles and agree, according to them, on what brings you happiness.
1. Be certain that Allah does not determine anything unless it has an advantage for man that most of the time is hidden to him, and when it appears to him, he thanks Allah for not fulfilling his wish, which he had wished for but was not granted.
2. This world and its pleasures are transient and man's age is too short for him to achieve all his wishes. How many young
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people are there upon whom accidents come unexpectedly and cut the rope of their hopes and wishes!
3. The value of man is in his good deeds that lead him to Paradise, which has the everlasting bliss that no eye has ever seen, no ear heard, and no mind imagined.
4. It is great for a man to leave behind him after his death a nice picture about himself. This nice picture is contingent on one's good morals and his respecting others' rights, which makes others pray to Allah to reward him with good. Will the soul have a pleasure greater than this?
Question 137
I would like to build my family on sound bases according to Islamic teachings. What is the guiding principle to achieve this goal?
The answer: First, you should know the features of a good family and those of a bad family, and then you can decide which of the respective features to follow.
The features of a good family are as follows:
1. The absence or fewness of controversies between the members of the family, especially between the husband and the wife
2. The parents' being as a successful example for their children through their conducts and thoughts
3. Observance of religious occasions, both the happy and sorrowful ones, and also of family occasions, like birthdays, as much as possible
4. Exchanging visits with good people and especially with relatives
5. Communal meetings with interactive discussions, jokes, and narrations of amusing incidents
6. Satisfaction of the material needs of all family members such as clothes, food, shelter, and others, besides the moral needs like love, sympathy, care, respect, and the like
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The features of a bad family are as follows:
1. Always or often criticizing and disparaging each other and not respecting or encouraging each other
2. Looking at problems from a pessimistic view, as if they are not experiments from which success can be derived
3. Excessively watching others and suspecting every behavior of the family members
4. The dictatorship of the responsible member in the family and his autocracy in making all decisions
5. Cold relationship between the husband and the wife, while the children live in separation and with bad relations
6. Not reciprocating visits with relatives and other people
Of course, you may not find a family with all the ideal qualities, but you should try your best to raise the moral level of your family to be as near the ideal qualities as possible. When you find a good family, try to become acquainted with it and cooperate together to reach the required level of sound social relations. Beware of being ideal theoretically because reality has its own area that is narrower than in theories.
Generally speaking, to achieve your goal, you should try to achieve the following four points as Imam Ali (s) said, 'There are four things that bring happiness to man: a good wife, dutiful children, good friends, and living in one's own
country.'
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Question 138
Noisiness, quarrels, and idle talking prevail in our family life. There is no moment of tranquility that allows us to rest and think quietly. The flame of disputation burns at everything and at every moment in our house. I can say that there is no ordinary word said in our house unless hundreds of words burst after it like splinters everywhere, and that does not even include the quarrels between the families of our relatives. Would you please show us the reasons and solutions for
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1 Jarni. al-Akhbar, p.285.
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this destructive phenomenon?
The answer: First and foremost, let each one of your family members and relatives remember that his life is short, then how would it be if he spends it in quarreling and brings himself senility and death before time? Let them remember too that happiness comes in the boat of discernment, tranquility, delightfulness, and reasonability. Happiness does not approach a person or a family leading a disorderly life. If one loves his life, health, and happiness, surely he will not involve himself in troubles and idle disputations. I do not think that there is someone who knows this fact and does not abide by its conditions!
In order to avoid disputations and quarrels, each person who lives in this house should bear in mind the following points:
1. The house is a place of tranquility and peace of mind
2. When disputations and arguments begin, the more reasonable one from both sides is he who keeps silent, regardless of whatever the other side encroaches upon him
3. The subjects of disputations or the situations that take place during quarrels should not be revealed to those outside the house or to those who are not present when the quarrels take place
4. One should be satisfied and not pine for the blessings others have
5. One should be aware of the mentalities and the ways of thinking of others before dealing with them
6. One should avoid violence
7. One should avoid any differentiating in dealings with others when there is no excuse
8. The Qur'an and other supplications should be recited in the house, and on different occasions, religious meetings about Ahlul Bayt (s) should be held
9. Gifts should be offered on occasions of joy
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10. One should constantly be mentioning words praising Allah, such as (la ilaha illallah-there is no god but Allah), (la hawla wela quwwata illabillah-there is no power save in Allah), (alhamdu lillah-praise be to Allah), (astaghfirullah-I ask Allah to forgive me), (aamantu billah-I have believed in Allah), (tawakkaltu alallah-I have relied on Allah), (ya Allah- O Allah), (ya raheem- 0 Merciful), (ya haleem- 0 Clement), (ya ghafoorO Forgiver), etc.
What may prevent family quarrels is if children heed the following points in regards to their parents:
1. They should respect their parents and not raise their voices before them.
2. They should acknowledge the fact that their parents do not wish anything for them save goodness and success.
3. They should be patient with their parents whenever the parents unintentionally make a mistake, especially since we know that because of the pressures of life, parents may sometimes do unwelcome things towards their children but they definitely do not intend to harm them.
4. They should provide their parents with financial assistance before they declare their need, and then they should not remind them of that as a favor to them.
5. They should not ask their parents for what they cannot provide, especially when it comes to buying some things.
6. They should greet them courteously and always ask about their health.
7. They should try their best to treat them when they are ill.
8. They should provide them with all of what they need in the house.
As for the behaviors of parents towards their children, they are as follows:
1. They should care a great deal for the religious education and modern scientific learning of their children.
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2. They should praise their children in the presence of others.
3. They should satisfy all their needs as much as they possibly can.
4. They should treat them with love, kindness, mercy, and smiles.
5. They should be friends with them.
6. They should not beat them except when it becomes necessary in order to educate them.
7. They should not insult them in the presence of others.
8. They should give them some pocket money.
9. They should buy them good books and encourage them to read more and more.
10. They should watch their relations with others.
11. They should teach them Islamic teachings and the true beliefs.
12. They should accompany them to picnics and travel with them if it is possible.
13. They should encourage them to learn swimming, archery, and handicrafts.
14. They should marry them to suitable spouses at the suitable time.
Question 139
We are quarrelsome spouses. We love each other, but we do not know why we quarrel, and over very trivial things too. After that, we sit crying and then come to an agreement with each other. After sometime, we return to another quarrel. Our marital life is ridiculous, is it not? Sometimes I think of divorce, but then I regret and ask Allah to forgive me. I am confused, my wife is confused, and so are
our children.
The answer: The most important factor in solving marital problems is for the spouses themselves to be determined to solve their problems. Without their intention and
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determination, they will not arrive at any solution at all. As for divorce, it is not the first nor is it the second solution, but it is the last of the last of solutions. Statistics have proven that those who hurry towards divorce, even in their new marriages their problems remain with them. You should be certain that unstudied divorce is not a suitable solution; rather, it will be a cause for bigger problems.
The best solution lies in following these instructions:
1. One should be quiet and have calm nerves. This is done by turning to Allah and remembering that man will be afflicted with the wrath of Allah if he submits to his fancy and desires. One should go to religious centers, talk with religious scholars and ethicists, and call to mind the horrible terrors of the afterlife. These things will have a great effect on man in encouraging him toofind a suitable solution and carry it out.
2. One should be fair in disagreements. This is an important factor that leads to a solution. Both disagreeing sides have to pay close attention to this moral value that will lead them to the truth.
3. One should have an actual understanding of things; this means that spouses should know that life is not free from problems, disagreements, and differences of taste. Therefore, each one has to ignore the wrong the other side has done to him.
4. Disagreement in itself does not cause problems; rather, it is made by the methods each of the disagreeing sides takes in dealing with the disagreement. Hence, good and reasonable methods should be taken whenever there is a disagreement.
5. Let us learn how to listen to whoever disagrees with us! This principle helps the disagreeing spouses reduce the intensity of their disagreements, and they may, after that, discover that they have disagreed over a trivial thing.
6. Whenever we discover our fault and become certain that the other side is right, we must accept the truth and apologize and then discuss the details little by little.
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7. Whatever the disagreement, alienation, and separation, spouses must not give up the joint duties and responsibilities that keep the family sound and safe, especially not those concerning their children. The experiences of quarrelsome spouses, who adhered to their joint responsibilities in spite of their disagreements, have proven that they, after a short time, agreed with each other and picked the sweet fruits of happiness and felicity.
8. Spouses should take sufficient time for thinking, for this helps to solve problems. Each one of the disagreeing spouses should sit privately, reviewing himself to discover his own mistakes and determining to repair his faults.
9. Spouses should not keep problems in mind except when trying to find a solution for it.
10. They should try to limit the problems and not relate these problems to previous ones, because limiting the problems helps to find easy solutions and achieve a happy marital life. Let us always remember that willpower and determination are the keys to these solutions and instructions. And on Allah let the believers rely!
