B. How To Handle Sexual Urge Before Marriage?
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If a person cannot marry soon after becoming sexually mature, then how should he or she handle the sexual urge? In this reason we survey some ways of fulfilling the sexual urge and see whether they are premitted by Islam or not.Pre-marital sex is absolutely forbidden in Islam, no matter whether it is with a girl-friend or a prostitute. Pre-material sex is adultery (zina).
It is also an irresponsible sexual behaviour. There is no responsibility involved in such relationships. The most vulnerable person in such relationship is the woman. Statistics can over-whelmingly prove that man has often cheated innocent woman in pre-material sex. Today half of all American men and women in their 30s cohabited before marriage, many of them on the assumption that it is better to look -deeply- before they leap. But studies now demonstrate that couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than those who do not.1 Glen Elder, a sociologist at University of North Carolina, has this to say about cohabitation: "It's a relationship that attracts those, mainly men, who are looking for an easy way out and it is uncertain what, if anything, it contributes to marriage."2 A 24 years old lady wrote the following in
1. Newsweek, p.57.
2. Ibid.
Allah says: Do not go near adultery, surely it is an indecency, and an evil way [of fulfilling sexual urge]. (17:32) Adultery has severely been condemned in the saying of the Prophet and the Imams. In Islam, pre-marital sex is considered an immoral act against the girls of Allah and one's own sexual organs.
It is a sin punishable by the Islamic court. If an unmarried man and an unmarried woman are found guilty of adultery in an Islamic court, their punishment will be as the following: The adulteress and adulterer -scourge each of them a hundred whips; and in the matter of God's religion, let no tenderness for them seize you if you believe in God and the Last Day; and let a party of the believers witness their punishment. (24:2) If the unmarried man or woman commit adultery more than once, then they will be punished three times by hundred wipes; and if they are
Therefore, pre-marital sex is out of question as a means of fulfilling sexual urge.In Islam terminology, masturbation (istimna') means self-stimulation of sexual organ till one achieves emission of semen or orgasm.
Masturbation in form of self-stimulation is forbidden is Shi'ah fiqh. While describing the believers, the Qur'an says, "The believers ... those who protect their sexual organs except from their spouses ... Therefore, whosoever seeks more beyond that [in sexual gratification], then they are the transgressors." (23:5-6) The last sentence makes it very clear that any sexual gratification outside marriage is considered a transgression of the law of God. And this verse also implies that sex is an act in which two people are involved. Once when Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq was asked about masturbation, he recited this very verse and mentioned masturbation as one of its example.2 In another, the Imam was asked about masturbation; he said, "It is an indecent act ..."3
Masturbation is a sin for which a person can also be punished by the Islamic court. Of course, the nature of the punishment is upon the judge's discretion. Once a person
These days some scientists are telling us that there is no harm in masturbation, rather it is a natural act. To prove that it is natural, they give examples of some wild animals, like monkey. Actually they represent those who have gone to the other extreme of sexual morality. They have degraded human beings to the level of wild animals, and then justify their deeds by finding examples in the animal world. They are, in Qur'anic expression, "like cattle, nay they are more astray; they are the heedless ones." (7:179) The irony is that when we talk about following Islam which came just 1400 years ago, we are labelled as 'reactionaries', 'those who want to turn the clock backwards', 'anti-progress', and now these very people are going millions of years back (according to their own counting) and following the wild animals or the primitive societies to determine what is natural for us and what is not natural!
Sometimes the scientists justify masturbation by saying that many people do it! But if a majority does something, it does not automatically prove that it is right. Otherwise, drugs should also be declared 'normal' because the majority of Americans, at one time or another, took drugs. The surveys made by sexologists like Kinsey, Masters and Johnsons, and the Hite Report just reveal what the American people do in the privacy of their bedroom; it does not necessarily prove that what they do is natural and right!
Many different types of sexual behaviour could be found in primitive societies, but that does not automatically make it natural or right. On the contrary, in some cases, masturbation was considered an abnormal and abhorrent act! For example, Lewis Cutlow, in his The Twilight of the Primitive writes about the Amazon Indians that:
Many modern psychologists say that masturbation is just like normal sexual intercourse, rather even better because you are master of yourself, you don't have to worry about your partner's feelings! This is an example of how low the materialist society has sunk into its self-centered and selfish attitude that even in sex it prefers to seek self-gratification with the exclusion of the spouse. "They seem to forget that in sexual intercourse all the senses contribute to the stimulation and orgasm: Man and
This is not just an opinion of a Muslim scholar. Even The Hite Report on Male Sexuality, says: "Similarly, many men said that they enjoyed masturbating physically, but the emotionally it was depressing."2 In one of the replies, a man writes: "It is physically enjoyable, but it can leave one emotionally empty or lonely for the real thing. You can do it when you feel like it, come when you want, bring up your own images, but there is no warmth or closeness, no one to share pleasure with, no companionship ..."3 After saying that the physical effects of masturbation are negligible, Leslie D. Weatherhead in The Mastery of Sex writes: "Psychologically the results are more serious. Masturbation in the adult is nearly always due to a maladjustment ..."4
The Cure for Masturbation:
It is easy to stay away from adultery because it involves another person. But the danger of getting into the habit of masturbation is always there, therefore it is necessary
1. Strengthening will-power. This is possible only if one honestly and sincerely want to get rid of this habit. Pray to Allah to help you over-come this habit, concentrate on religious teachings, and build up the spirit of taqwa, piety.
2. More and more stay in company of other persons: If in the day-time you feel like masturbating, get up from your bed or chair and get into the presence of other people and talk to them. If it happens at bed-time, sit up in bed, write a letter or read a book. Do something to switch your mind on to other things.
3. Adopt some hobby or sports which will provide you with an outlet for energies of your body.One way of fulfilling the sexual urge which is now becoming acceptable in the Western world is sexual relation between membees of the same sex, homosexuality and lesbianism. By saying that it is becoming acceptable in liberal societies I do not mean to say that homosexuality and lesbiansim are a 20th century phenomenon; no, not at all. But there is one big difference between the past and the present: in past, homosexuality or lesbianism was considered as a pervert sexual behaviour whereas now it is being labelled as 'natural' and as a result of 'inborn tendency'!
All revealed religions -Judaism, Christianity and Islam- from a united front against such sexual behaviour. It has been clearly condemned in the Bible and the Qur'an. The Qur'an describes the people of lut (Lot) as follows:
The Qur'an also describes how Prophet Lut tried to reason with his people when they approached his three guest (who were actually angels in human form):
So we see that as far as the Qur'an is concerned, homosexuality is an "indecency", and that Allah had destroyed a whole nation because of this indecent sexual behaviour.
In the Islamic legal system, homosexuality and lesbianism are both punishable crimes against the laws of God. In case of homosexuality, the active partner is to be lashed hundred times if he is unmarried and killed if he is married; whereas the passive partner is to be killed regardless of his marital status. In case of lesbianism, the sinners are to be lashed hundred times if they are unmarried and stoned to death if they are married.1Why is Islam so severe in matters of adultery, homosexuality and lesbianism? If the Islamic system had not allowed the gratification of sexual urge by lawful means without associating guilt with it, then it would be right to say that Islam is very severe. But since it has allowed the fulfillment of sexual instincts by lawful means, it is not prepared to tolerate any perverted behaviour.
The homosexuals are considered as the high risk group for Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS). This shows that nature has not accepted it as a
If a Muslim cannot marry soon after puberty, then he or she just has two options: temporary abstinence or temporary marriage.Islam has allowed marriage as soon as a person becomes physically mature, and it also strongly recommends that at least during the early years of marriage adopt a simple life-style so that lack or paucity of financial resources does not obstruct a happy life.
But if a person decides, for whatever reason, not to marry soon after he or she becomes physically mature, then the only way is to adopt temporary abstinence. After strongly recommending the marriage of single people, the Qur'an says, "And those who cannot marry should practise restrain (or abstinence) till Allah enriches them out of His bounty." (24:33)
However, abstinence from all the forbidden ways of fulfilling the sexual urge is not easy. Therefore, a few guide-lines would not be out of place. Once a man came to the Prophet and said, "I do not have the (financial) ability to marry; therefore, I have come to complain about my singleness." The Prophet advised him how to control his sexual urge by saying, "Leave the hair of your body and fast continuously."1 By saying that "leave the hair of
This hadith is indicating that shaving the excessive hair increases one's sexual urge. (Probably, that is why the shari'ah has recommended to shave the excessive hair every 40 days for men and every 20 for women.) In retrospect, it means that not shaving the hair will decrease the sexual desire and help the person in abstinence. Imam 'Ali says, "Whenever a person's hair increases, his sexual desire have also decreased."1 I have not yet come across any scientific discussion on the relationship between shaving the hairs and sexual urge, but I hope Muslim scientists will do some work on this issue.
The other method of decreasing the sexual urge was fasting. It is obvious that one of the greatest result or benefit of fasting is the strengthening of one's will power. And no doubt, the abstinence in sexual context mostly depends on the will power of the person. So fasting will strengthen the will power of the person and make it easier from him or her to restrain the sexual feelings.If a person does not marry soon after maturing and finds it difficult to control his or her sexual desire, then the only way to fulfill the sexual desire is mut'ah.
In Islamic laws, according to the Shi'ah fiqh, marriage is of two types: da'im, permanent and munqati', temporary. Munqati' is also know as mut'ah.
This is not the place to discuss the legality or the illegality of the temporary marriage (mut'ah). It will suffice to say that even according to Sunni sources, mut'ah was
The main difference between the two types of marriage is that in permanent marriage, Islam had clearly defined the duties and obligations between the spouses. For example, it is the duty of the husband to provide for the basic necessities of life for his wife and the wife is expected not to refuse sexual relations without any religious or medical reason. But in temporary marriage, Islam has given to the prospective spouses the right of working out their duty and expectation plans. For example, the husband is not obliged to maintain the wife unless it has been so stipulated in the marriage contract. Likewise, the wife can put a condition in the marriage contract that there will be no sexual relations. Such conditions are invalid in a permanent marriage but allowed in temporary marriage.
I cannot overemphasize the temporary nature of mut'ah. The message of Islam is quite clear: marry on a permanent basis; if that is not possible, only then use the mut'ah marriage.
The temporary nature of mut'ah can also be seen from the following saying of the Imams:
Once 'Ali bin Yaqtin, a prominent Shi'ah who held a high post in 'Abbasid government, came to Imam 'Ali ar-Riza to ask about mut'ah. The Imam said, "What have you to do with it because Allah has made you free from its need."1 He has also said, "It is permitted and absolutely allowed for the one whom Allah has not provided with the means of permanent marriage so that he may be chaste by performing mut'ah ..."2
