(b) Techniques Of Fore-play
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As far as the methods of mutual stimulation in foreplay are connected, the shari'ah allows the husband and the wife to see, kiss, touch, smell and stimulate any part of each other's body. Therefore, oral sex, as it is known in this part of the world is allowed. Imam Musa al-Kazim was onced asked, "Can a person kiss his wife's vagina?" The Imam said, "No problem."1 The only restriction is that no foreign object should be used. And this restriction is quite understandable: nothing can really substitute the things Allah has created in our bodies!
The restriction I am placing on the use of foreign objects is based on the following hadith. 'Ubaydullah bin Zurarah says that he had an old neighbour who owned a young slave-girl. Because of his old age, he could not fully satisfy the young slave-girl during sexual intercourse. She would therefore ask him to place his fingers in her vagina as she liked it. The old man complied her wishes even though he did not like this idea. So he requested 'Ubaydullah to ask Imam 'Ali ar-Riza about it.
In earlier discussion, we said that masturbation (i.e., self-stimulation of one's own sexual organ till emission of semen or orgasm) is not allowed. However, in case of married persons, there is no problem if the wife stimulates her husband's penis till the emission of semen or the husband stimulates his wife's vagina till orgasm. This is allowed because it does not come under "self-stimulation;" it is stimulation by a lawful partner. The Qur'an clearly says that, "The believers are ... those who protect their sexual organs by a lawful partner surely comes under the definition of protecting one's organs "except from their spouses."Is there any particular position for sexual intercourse which is forbidden in Islam? No! As far as the basic coital positions are concerned, there is no restrictions. I am using the term 'basic coital positions' for the positions known as the man above, face to face; woman above face to face; side position, face to face; rear-entry position in which the husband penetrates the vagina from the rear. Actually, the shari'ah has left it on the husband and the wife to explore and experiment as they wish.
In the early Islamic period, an event took place which clarified this issue for all. The people of Medina, influenced by the Jews, used man-above face to face position
However, it is makruh to adopt a standing position, or to face the qiblah or keep it on the backside during the intercourse.
It is advisable to refrain from the acrobatic positions given by some sexologists of the East and the West which might even cause physical harm. Remember, the basic rule is mutual pleasure and flexibility. If one partner does not like a particular position, then the other should yield to his or her feelings.The opinions of our mujtahids vary on the permissibility of anal intercourse. This variance in fatwas is because of the difference in the ahadith we have on this issue.
There is a hadith, for example, from Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq quoting the Prophet that "The anus of women is haram for my community."2 Now this hadith categorically forbids anal intercourse. But the chain of narrators of this hadith is not completely flawless.3 On the other hand, we have an authentic hadith in which 'Abdullah bin Abi
When a mujtahid is faced which such conflicting ahadith, he has to see whether he can bring them together or not. In our case, the mujtahids have taken the more authentic hadith which approve anal intercourse as a qualifier for the ahadith which totally forbid such sex. Especially so with the reference to the Qur'anic verses found in the approving ahadith. And in conclusion, they say that the prohibition in the above mentioned ahadith is not on the level of haram, instead it is on the level of makruh.2 This conclusion is supported by a third category of the ahadith in which the Imams have clearly discouraged their followers from anal intercourse.
Safwan al-Jammal said to Imam ar-Riza that, "One of your followers has requested me to ask you a question which he himself feels embarrassed to ask you." The Imam said, "What is it?" Safwan, "It is about a man having sex in his wife's anus." The Imam said, "Yes, he can do it." Then Safwan, who was a close companion, asked, "Do you do it?" The Imam said, "NO! We do not do it."3
Therefore the majority of the Shi'ah mujtahids say that anal intercourse is not haram but strongly disliked (karahatan shadidan) provided the wife agrees to it. And if she does not agree to it, then all mujtahids say that it is precautionarily wajib to refrain from it.1 However, according to Ayatullah al-Khu'i, it is precautionarily wajib to abstain from anal intercourse no matter whether the wife agrees to it or not.2
I would strongly advise against anal intercourse because it can be painful and it can cause injury as the area was not designed for that! Moreover, the scientists say that if you engage in anal intercourse, do not mix it with vaginal intercourse because this will lead to infections in some people with yeasts and other organisms which belong in the anus, not in the vagina or the male organ. I like to end this section with the sayings of Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq and Imam 'Ali ar-Riza about anal intercourse: "Woman is a means of your pleasure, therefore do not harm her."3There was a time when people need not be reminded of some of the basic moral and ethical values, but now we are living in an era where moral values are changing with the change of the worn-out car tires!
One of such issues is decency in dress at home and privacy at the time of sexual intercourse or intimate contact between husband and wife. There are some people in the West (of course, in minority) who think that it is okay, nay healthy, to stay naked in presence of their
Such behaviour is not only condemned by those who still abide by religious moral systems, it is equally condemned by those who are familiar with child psychology. A sexual manual read by millions of Westerners says, "Never involve children in adult sexual activities: militant and exhibitionist liberals who try to acclimatize children to the naturalness of sex by letting them in any level of their own sex lives probably do at least as much harm as was ever done by the prohibitive sex-is-dirty generation."
We have quite a few ahadith in which the Prophet and the Imams have emphasized that when you engage in sexual intercourse, make sure that no child (or, for that matter, any other person) sees you or hears you. Abu Basir quotes Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq as follows, "Be careful not to have sex with your wife while a child can see you. The Prophet used to dislike this (attitude) very strongly."1 If a child sees and hears the parents engaged in sexual intercourse, he or she might go through a shocking psychological experience. It might also create problem in his or her own adult life. The manual quoted earlier says, "Most young children are biologically programmed to interpret
Islam has laid down cler guide-lines about the privacy of adults. Referring to the children who have not yet reached the age of puberty (bulugh), the Qur'an say:
Then referring into the children who have reached the age of puberty, the Qur'an says:
These two verses give us the following rules about privacy within and without the family circles:
1. There are three times in a day -night, early morning and afternoon- which are considered as times of privacy.
2. The minor children should be taught that during times of privacy they are not allowed to enter into the bedroom of their parents or adults without first asking their permission. Obviously, by minor we do not mean infants; we mean the children who can understand what is right and what is wrong. I would put that at age five and above. The parents will have to ingrain this teaching to their minor children gradually.
3. At other times, the children are free to come and go into the bedroom of their parents without asking for their permission. In retrospect, this means that the parents should be decently dressed at those other times.
4. As for the mature children and adults, the Qur'an is clear that they may enter the bedroom of their parents or other adults at all times only after asking their permission.The question of birth control has created much debate in the Western world. This question is related to the basic view of sex. On the one one hand, if you relate sex to the origina sin and equate it with evil, and allow sexual intercourse only for the purpose of procreation -then, obviously, you will be totally opposed to birth control. Allowing birth control would mean allowing sex for pleasure. On the other hand, if yoou consider sex to be a natural act whose purpose is two-fold: procreation and/or fulfillment of sexual desire, then you would allow birth control. The debate on the use of birth control, moreover, is inter-twined with the issue of abortion.
On the whole, there are three opinions on birth control and abortion. On the one extreme, the Roman Catholic Church1 forbids birth control as well as abortion; and on the other extreme, the libertarians and feminists consider birth control and abortion as the basic rights of women. In between these two extremes, Islam allows birth control but forbids abortion.
According to the Shi'ah fiqh, family planning -as a private measure to space or regulate the family size for health or economic reasons- is permissible. Neither is there any Qur'anic verse or hadith against birth control, nor is it wajib to have children in marriage. So basically, birth control would come under the category of ja'iz, lawful acts.
Moreover, we have some ahadith (specially on the issue of 'azl, coitus interrupts) which categorically prove that birth control is permissible. Imam 'Ali once said, "One of the two (means) of affluence is to have few dependents."1 Imam Ja'far as-Sadiq said that, "[Imam] 'Ali ibnul Husayn (peace be upon him) saw no problem in coitus interrupts and he used to recite the verse that 'When your Lord brought forth from the children of Adam (i.e., from their loins) their seed ...' [7:172] So from whatsoever [seed] Allah has taken a covenant, it is sure to be born even if it is [spilled] on a hard rock."2 The Imam is saying that the creation is in the hand of Allah alone. Whether or not we practise birth control, if Allah wills, the child will be conceived. In effect, these ahadith are a positive proof that birth control is allowed in Islam.However, sometimes the issue of birth control is politicized by the imperialists and racist regimes; and in such cases, the supreme mujtahid has the right to temporarily forbid the use of birth control on basis of secondary reasons (hukm thanawi). For example, if the Russian communist government plans to impose or promote birth control in its Muslim provinces not because of health
