Food And Drink Considerations
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Many practicing Muslims also try to eat only halal (approved) meats that are slaughtered in a prescribed manner. These meats are purchased at specialty stores, or the families butcher their own meat in the appropriate manner.
+Stress usually comes up when we visit my parents. Since we eat only Muslim slaughtered halal meats, we are reluctant to eat anything, so we would bring our own food. Even though we have explained the Islamic method of slaughter, I feel that they are uncomfortable with us bringing our own food. They thought this was another rejection, as if their food was not good enough for us or was unclean. However, when they come to visit in our home, they eat whatever I cook and we seem to have a much happier and less stressful time.
I would never leave my child with my parents. There is too much pork in the house.
The worst thing about visiting my folks is eating. They don't care what they eat. My parents sometimes get mad when I tell them I can't eat the same food they are eating.
I do not leave my children with my family. We have never visited for more than a couple of hours at a time since I became Muslim. In doing this, I also avoid another potential problem-that of halal food. My parents do not understand or accept the concept of halal/haram food. We simply avoid the issue and don't eat at their house.
Alcohol is offensive to most Muslims and they would feel more comfortable if it is not served when they are present. They may even avoid restaurants that have a bar or serve liquor. They
It is also important to be aware of the type of television programs viewed when Muslim children are present. Some of the children's shows most American kids watch may not be considered appropriate for children by the Muslim mom and dad. Non-Muslims should find out what is allowable if the children are involved; even many Muslim adults don't allow themselves to watch everything that is on. Scenes that show dating relationships, dancing, or scantily clad women are common ones to avoid.
Islamically, I don't like for the children to watch commercials or dancing, rap music, dating situations, looseness on TV, anything which you can see by turning it on for two minutes or less. I would prefer they not get used to musical instruments or music which has adult rock -and-roll rhythm even if it has children's lyrics. My parents are pretty good about avoiding these things.
There are also guidelines for male/female relating. Males do not shake hands with females and often will not look directly at them. Men should not reach out to touch Muslim women or be too openly curious or friendly. One should be reticent but pleasant. Usually, the safe approach is for the men to talk with
For the families, holiday times have been worked out in a variety of ways. Some of the women respondents refused to be part of the traditional Western celebrations at all. Others have modified the celebrations in order to be with the family. Still others participate in almost the same way as before.
My children have the best of both religions. My parents and in-laws make a big deal about Christmas. We accept their gifts and explain the concept to our boys. They don't serve us pork or alcoholic beverages. My family is my life. No problems. Lots of love-always was! Thanksgiving seems to be one holiday that can most easily be worked through if halal meat or an alternative is served. Attitudes toward participation may change as the couple have children, and the Muslims may feel a need to withdraw from holidays they are now celebrating that reflect non-Muslim religious holidays or even national holidays. Birthdays may not be celebrated in the same way as non-Muslims and activities may need to be negotiated.
Muslim holidays are of great importance to the Muslims, and they celebrate with great commitment. Eid al-Fitr, the most important celebration of the year, is on the first day after the
I try to avoid talking about the "holidays." My brother and sisters understand that I don't celebrate them, and they respect me for it. But my parents don't understand and keep asking every year if I'm coming over for the holidays and what to do with the presents they got for me, my husband, and kids.
My father's mother was ill when he was young, and his father was an alcoholic. My mother's birth mom abandoned her at two years of age. So my parents always tried to do special things during the holidays with my brother and me (we were the only family they felt they had). My not celebrating Christmas any longer was especially hard for them. We accommodated their feelings with much compromise on their part. They may buy our children Christmas gifts and the children may only open them after we read and recite passages from the Qur'an regarding Jesus' birth, Mary, the Mother of Jesus and commandments about what to believe in the Qur'an.
Thanksgiving is enjoyed with halal (Islamically allowed) turkey killed in the prescribed manner but no baked ham. We've basically turned it into a good excuse to eat together! My parents agree that is most important.
It helps establish and maintain family bonds and memories.
My mom, dad, and brother get anxious for Eid gifts which now take the place of Christmas gifts. I really try to
My family doesn't really follow Christmas as a Christian holiday (not as Christ's birthday), but since everybody usually has Christmas off and many brothers and sisters have married those who do practice, we now have a family dinner and some exchange gifts.
I would like to include my family more in our Islamic celebrations. But many times that means traveling two or three hours to where other Muslims gather. There have not been that many chances. Often the main part of celebration is a special congregational prayer, which they would not participate in anyway, since they are not Muslim.
I send Eid cards and candy to my nieces and nephews.
Last Eid was the first time I gave presents to my family in exchange for the presents they gave us at Christmas.
For my Islamic holidays, Eid al--Fitr and Eid al-Adha, I send my mom Eid cards that are homemade. And I will put such things as: Hadith-Heaven lies below the mother's feet, etc. I invite them to eat at the park or at the mosque during the Islamic holidays. My mom and my sister do come to see what it is like.
Because they live in another state, my family has never participated in any of our Islamic celebrations. They keep their distance, and we each allow the other to be as we are. I call some of my relatives on the telephone, and I send letters or cards at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
When we first got married, we went for Christmas and exchanged gifts. But this year we have a child, and we need to get them used to the idea of our not being involved in Christmas. My parents sent us gifts this year and we thanked them, but we didn't give them any. And we didn't send out cards. We do plan on celebrating Eid, and we are going to send them a card to explain what we do. Hopefully it won't be an issue by the time our daughter is older. I do want her to know my side of the family, so we will have to work on how to do that.
I think that for my family of origin the main point of stress was probably Christmas-whether it's okay to give us gifts, include us for dinner, etc. It took a lot of time and talk to come to terms with Christmas because I cannot turn my back on my family of origin. My husband and I joined my family for dinner and received gifts from them with the understanding that this is a celebration in which we do not participate and that we wouldn't be reciprocating the gift exchange. We will, however, reciprocate by including my family in our Islamic celebrations. Everyone was in agreement with this idea and the spirit of the "season" was not dampened.
My family doesn't show any interest in our Islamic holidays. I tell them about them a few weeks or a month ahead of time, but they don't seem to care, and I think they avoid being around us during that time.
Gift giving goes along with holiday and birthday times. Being open to discussions on how these occasions could be observed
Parents (or other relatives) may find it best to forego giving Muslims presents on non-Muslim holidays, choosing instead to give gifts at other times, either on their holidays or just for the sake of giving. One could also find out when Eid is and ask about sending gifts then, checking to see what gifts are appropriate. American toys such as Batman, the Turtles, Power Rangers, or Barbie and Ken may be completely off-limits. Even clothes with Thomas the Tank Engine or bed sheets with Barney may not be acceptable. If parents talk it over with their daughter, they will probably discover she has some good ideas. Then if parents want to give gifts, they can follow the guidelines agreed on and do it with joy.
They know we are Muslim and that we don't celebrate Christian holidays the same way they do. My mother sometimes sends gifts to our children for no particular reason-just because she sees something they might like. She also sends gifts at Christmas time. We accept them as gifts for the New Year. We celebrate Jesus' birth, may God's peace be upon him, with a prayer.
My family of origin lives far from us and have very little understanding of Islam and the Eid holidays. So far, they have not been included in our Islamic celebrations, but if they lived closer to us they would be included as much as they would like to be.
My sisters and parents (father and stepmother) are sensitive to the fact that we don't celebrate Christian holidays. They always ask before giving or doing anything which could be construed to be related to such holidays. They respect our holidays. I have no concerns about the children with them. It helps that we have a varied family
It is best to listen to the concerns of the parents and try to follow the rules. Such ordinary things as bathroom habits require different learning by non-Muslims. Being supportive of Muslim religious views with the children and refraining from "indoctrinating" with opposing views will be much appreciated by the parents. Care should be taken about the television programs or music that is played in their presence. Providing the right food and omitting the forbidden foods is also important.
My parents often request for the children to sleep over. The children and others have noticed my mom asking the children if they have prayed and reminding them to do so. (Appropriate if done from Islamic viewpoint!) My area of concern is my ten-year-old daughter. Mom thinks she is too young to worry about modest dress and buys her mini-skirts, which I hurriedly hide away. My daughter does not wear hijab yet, but she is accepting of the idea and very positive about it. She does dress modestly outside the house mostly in cotton printed long sleeves, loose fitting pants or a long skirt.
My children will always be welcome at my parents, and my mother is wonderful with the kids.
My family knows they do not have to change to accept me the way I am now. My child gets no different treatment than any other child except they know he can't have beer, pork, or any foods that we don't allow.
During the summer my brothers would always let their children spend a week or two with my parents, but our children never went to visit their grandparents without my husband and me. They never tried to push us or persuade us because they knew our children could not eat their food.
1 know if we left our little girl alone with my mom when she is older, she would try to Christianize her, and that I cannot abide by! The fact that I can't trust her causes me great sadness-the depth of which my husband cannot understand. I must abandon my mother for her own stubbornness but this I do, not only for the good of my marriage and family but for my own good as well.
Leaving my child is difficult in that they feed him too much junk food and spoil him, which I know is usual for grands. The biggest concern is him not eating anything but
My parents have assured me that if God forbid, something should happen to my husband and me, they would make sure our children would be raised Muslim and keep close with my husband's family. Both his and my family have mutual concern and respect for each other.
This also becomes a problem for those Muslims in the business world who need to have both place and time scheduled to allow them the privacy for a few minutes, probably twice a day, to perform this obligatory practice.
When they visit us, Jodi and Reza feel free to go into another room of the house that isn't being used when it is time for their prayers. If non-Muslim parents are uncomfortable with this practice, an agreement should be worked out with all parties involved.
My parents are very considerate of our beliefs. They have no problems with us praying at their house, are extremely careful of what they fix us to eat, and try not to say anything offensive.
I am grateful that my parents understand our feelings of being in offense if we are present when a prayer is-given in the name of Jesus. They are careful to close their prayers "In the name of our Mutual God, Amen."
One day after I got into either a religious or political discussion with Reza and Jodi, I started to cry. It was just too much for me. "Jodi," I said, "we just can't talk about this topic anymore-it hurts me too much."
Jodi said, "Oh, Mom, we can't do that; we have to talk about it.Reza gave us these words of wisdom: "Sometimes, even in my own family, we find things that we can't talk about, and we just have to be together because we love each other."
And that has been good advice for us many times. Oh, we try to talk, and Jodi and Reza know just about how far they can push me before I get upset-then they back off. Their beliefs mean so much to them that they want to share them and yet it often sets up explosive situations for family and acquaintances.I love my parents dearly and respect them to the utmost extent. I just wish they would ask me what I believe or just read a bit of the Qur'an. Of course I would like to see
When I am visiting my family I feel as though I'm surrounded by idols, but since they accept my Islam I tolerate their beliefs also.
I hope to just keep things going as is and keep in touch with my parents, especially since we have a baby now. They are my parents and I should care for them. Everything seems to be a point of stress for our family. It is difficult to talk about anything except the weather, the car we're thinking about buying, what vacation we'll take next summer.
The women's responses on the questionnaire indicate there are a variety of ways to work things out with the family of origin. There are also those families not as open as others. There is a difference in how far and how open some can go. Although questions on the survey were not directed toward relationships in the business world, I have, in my own conversations with Muslims often picked up their frustrations connected with social relationships, holidays, lack of understanding, and the feelings of prejudice toward them.
The stories seem to illustrate that many times the more cooperative and supportive the family or acquaintances are, the less conservative the women feel they have to be. A more strict attitude may be a protective response to lack of support and trust.
